RANDOM VAGABOND ALERT - PAIN BEGATS FUNNY IN THE MOST UNLIKELY PLACES

Writing, Grooming, Surfing and joie de vivre on AMAZON

 

Newsflash! Today's post is not about travel per se, unless you consider the reality that we still have to groom ourselves while traveling.  Unless you are Anthony Bourdain, who looks like he sleeps in a ditch most of the time, you need to get rid of that unibrow on occasion, not to mention those seemingly endless patches of hair growing in places you never would have expected when you were much younger. For men, in particular, nose and ear hair, disgusting though it may be, has to be dealt with, lest people talk about you in hushed tones. Some Europeans may find the presence of voluminous body hair to be stylish, even sexy, but we Americans have developed the No No Hair business model when it comes to unwanted growth in all the wrong places.

 

Women have been obsessed with good grooming since the ancient Greeks moisturized their skin with honey. But, let's be honest, all men are metrasexuals on some level. We shave, trim and pull out unwanted hair just like the girls. I don't think waxing is an accepted practice yet, but the search for grooming "tools of the trade" is never ending, which brings me to the central point of today's Alert.

 

Relevant Information Found While Surfing

 

As a writer, I am constantly reading other writers. That's one of the many rules laid down by "serious" writers. However, since I am addicted to trolling the internet, primarily to find the next best place to sleep, I have developed a chronic case of ADD. I have the attention span of an eight year old. The internet did it. But that's a discussion beyond the scope of this blog and gets analysis ad nauseum from TV shrinks and pundits 24-7. Because my attention span, or lack therof, is quickly approaching infinity, I take great delight when I read anything clever or interesting in something under the Twitter character max. BTW - It's very rare to read anything interesting on Twitter.  Imagine my delight when I stumbled upon a piece of brilliant comedic writing on, of all places, AMAZON.com. Like a Dave Barry protégé, the reviewer captures the pain and glory of an ill fated "manual" hair remover. It's as if Dennis Miller were writing copy for an early SNL Weekend Update. After reading this little piece of serious humor, I felt the need to share it with my fellow vagabonds. If you are feeling low, this should brighten your day.

 

An actual product and its review direct from AMAZON.com.

 

Groom Mate Platinum XL Nose & Hair Trimmer

by Groom Mate

 

List Price: $29.87

Price:        $18.88

You Save: $10.99 (37%)

• Groom Mate branded nose & ear hair trimmers are considered to be the finest battery-free nose hair trimmers available today. PHR Systems, Ltd. has been manufacturing these fine trimmers here in the USA since 1991.
• The Platinum XL nose & ear hair trimmer is made from 100% stainless steel and includes an unconditional lifetime warranty with a money-back guarantee if not satisfied.
• The Platinum XL trimmer has a patented rotary blade system that is guaranteed to never dull and to never pull or yank out nostril hairs.
• The Platinum XL trimmer will never cut or nick the sensitive lining of your nostril and nose hairs are gently and painlessly trimmed.
• A simple, safe and very effective nose and ear hair trimmer. Give yourself the gift of good grooming today!

 

 

 Ready to get out the credit card - right! Read on

 

One Star  OOOOOWWWWW!!!

Review by Schuylercat on Jun 3, 2010    

 

This little bloodthirsty monster works absolutely fantastic 99% of the time - spin and trim, gets the stragglers that electric back-and-forth models miss, easy and fast.

Then there's that 1%. It transforms, magically, into an instrument of evil Torquemada would have included in his torture kit. It becomes a little set of pliers, rather than a clipper.

Every so often it grabs a hair. It doesn't gently fondle the hair, and it doesn't caress the hair, and it doesn't bloody brush it: it grips it with the strength of ten frickin' Grinches, plus two, and...

It.

Will.

Not.

Let.

Go.

I swear I can hear it giggling over the sound of my screaming.

Torquemada Indeed!

 

So the next time you're standing in front of the mirror, getting ready for a night on the town in Paris, Valencia or some other exotic locale, staring at your state of the art hair remover with the dead battery, you can chuckle at the trailblazer that gave you the unvarnished truth about the one with no power.

 

Remember Fellow Nomads - Grass Doesn't Grow On Busy Streets

d.l.stafford
thenomadARCHITECT